swimming in a fishbowl

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Phenomenal

"There is a certain sense in which I would say the universe has a purpose. It's not there just somehow by chance. Some people take the view that the universe is simply there and it runs along–it's a bit as though it just sort of computes, and we happen by accident to find ourselves in this thing. I don't think that's a very fruitful or helpful way of looking at the universe, I think that there is something much deeper about it....." Roger Penrose

Thursday, December 17, 2009

thursday

i think i need a sunrise, i'm tired of the sunset.

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my parents wont let me out these christmas holidays and its not fair.

they expect me to study while being socially inept. i really don't think that i can do that. its too hard. how can you study when your feeling all shitty and depressed because your all antisocial and deprived. no you can't really.

when you have no motivation, no friend to support or back you up or just laugh with. when you do not experience anything. when you can't relate to people.

how can you know what life is? how do you enjoy life without these.

are you even worth anything? can your life even be valued?

i ask myself these questions. whenever i'm alone, which is usual now, i often go blank. i do not have thoughts sometimes. sometimes i stare off and just sit there doing nothing until i feel like crying. because crying is the only thing that helps me get through this mess i'm facing. it is when you break down do you really pick yourself up again.