wake up call

new school, new lifestyle, new get up in the morning time, new friends.
thats alot, and i feel overwhelmed with the whole thing.
my new school is okay. not what i was expecting. i'm a bit silly to think of such high expectations. what was i thinking? that life is going to be perfect? that this school is perfect? the people are friendly but it doesn't really feel homely or cosy. its like plucking you from your territory and dropping you into some unknown land where you will have to adapt whether you like it or not. anxiety is building, and i am plummeting downhill. i havent eaten lunch or recess for the past three days, which is surprising as i used to gobble my food down as quick as i can without being self conscious. i'll wait and i'll observe myself.

i chose to go so now i have to enjoy it.

feeling drowsy

hearts delight
recreating God's wonders through art. whats reality is creating fiction. singing in the shower even when you know you cant sing, break out in dance who cares who's watching, run out in the middle of the night and scream out your troubles in the park, run with that thrill in netball soccer basketball. make books an escape unit, let your legs take you on a walk not your brain, get laughing lines not frown or worry lines. learn because you want to know, work on making reality better than your dreams. seize every opportunity like its your last. listen to your heart when you cant depend on what the world says. love because you cant help it.


this put a smile upon my face

so many things

I want to buy so many things, but i'm so broke.

What happened to me finding a job for the Christmas holidays? I wished money grew on trees.

Still trying to find a polaroid camera from the markets or some secondhand shop. Need some fabrics and craft materials also. I want to get creative. It kinda feels lonesome, staying home, watching movies. After watching all those movies, you'd want to socialise with other people, but unfortunately, my friends are not contacting me, I guess its really hard to just call your friends up and just say hello. I don't want to be a wallflower.

Currently reading: the catcher in the rye , trying to finish the book before school starts. I'm in year 11 now, where all the real stress and deal comes in. I hope I make it to uni.

Early awakening

I could not at all get back to sleep after waking up early in the morning around 4.30am. It was too hot to even sleep last night, I tossed and turned fed up with the sweaty, warm pillow my head lay on. So i got out of bed and ate breakfast, and here I am blogging my first blog on this blogsite because there was nothing else to do after breakfast but search the effects of lack of sleep, depersonalisation and symptoms of an anxiety disorder on google. Then I came along this site and decided maybe I should create one for the joy of it. :)